


Saturday Morning Awesome

by Ocelot_l



Category: Channel Awesome, That Guy with the Glasses
Genre: Animal Mascots, Bowdlerization, Cartoon Characters, Gen, Stereotypes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 11:52:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ocelot_l/pseuds/Ocelot_l
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the Channel Awesome producers had their characters and plot lines turned into parent-approved, child-friendly cartoons?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saturday Morning Awesome

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Saturday Morning Awesome](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2796887) by [Rainy_Elliot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainy_Elliot/pseuds/Rainy_Elliot)



“Hey kids! Welcome to another edition of Saturday Morning Awesome, the programming block where you can find all your favorite shows! First on today’s line-up is ‘Memory Time with The Nostalgia Critic’!”

A cartoon version of the Critic flashed onto the screen, smiling brightly.

“Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic! I remember it and then share those memories with you all, because sharing memories with friends is a fun way for everyone to play!”

“That’s right Critic,” the announced said, cutting back in as the scene switched to show Critic staring angrily at the Nerd in a parking lot. “On today’s episode, Critic meets up with the Video Game Nerd!”

“Prepare to meet your doom, Critic,” Nerd said as he started shaking a bottle he held. “Once I spray you with my favorite Rolling Rock soda, you’ll be too sticky to defend yourself and have to review a terrible video game, you big meanie-pants!”

“Not unless I get you sticky first, Nerd!” Critic pulled out his trademark bright purple water gun and pointed it at him. “You stupid loser-face!”

“Can their friend, Captain S, stop them from ruining their friendship for good?” the announcer asked dramatically as a third man appeared standing in between the two.

“Violence is never the answer,” Captain S said, holding out an arm to stop each of them from proceeding. “We must stop our foolish fighting and learn to review things together in peace!”

“This is truly the can’t-miss confrontation of the year!” the announcer boomed. “But the fun doesn’t stop there. After watching Critic, tune into the newly retooled “Adventures of Comicron-1”! We have listened to all the fan suggestions and made the show even better thanks to you!”

Aboard the animated interior of Linkara’s spaceship, 90s Kid, Ninja-Style Dancer, and Pollo are seen piloting the craft through deep space.

“Dudes, we’re totally going to have the best space adventures ever!” 90s Kid said with an invigorated nod of his head.

“Now that Linkara, Harvey, Liz, Linksano, and Boffo stayed behind on that alien planet to teach alien children the true meaning of kindness, it’s up to the three of us to protect not only the Earth, but all planets from harm,” Pollo replied. “Now I’ll go fetch your lunch, Captain Kid-aiyaiyai! My circuits are malfunctioning!”

As smoke started to pour from Pollo’s body and he flew around the cockpit flailing his arms wildly, Ninja Style Dancer pulled out a pair of nunchakus and swung them wildly, yelling out things like “Hai-ya!” and “Whoo-pa!” in a heavily accented Japanese voice.

90s Kid suddenly pointed at the monitor. “Dudes! It totally looks like Lord Vyce is on our tail! He wants to challenge me, Earth’s champion, to a children’s card game! If I lose, I’ll be sent to the Shadow Realm and Earth will be totally doomed!”

“Will 90s Kid be able to defeat the dastardly Lord Vyce?” the announcer asked as a cartoon version of Lord Vyce, who for some reason sported a giant black mustache that he twirled as he laughed evilly, appeared on the screen. “Or will Earth fall into his armored hands? Stay tuned, boys and girls, and keep your parents’ credit cards handy so that you can call our special hotline and purchase a deck of battle cards so that you too can fight to defend the Earth!”

The screen flashed again before showing a medieval castle setting with knights riding horses and ladies waving from high towers.

“You can follow up all that action with the continuing adventures of ‘Princess Chick and Her Merry Maids’! This week, Maid Nella has been possessed by the spirit of Envy and transformed into Dark Maid Nella!”

“Oh Maid Nella, I’m so sorry,” Nostalgia Chick, who was dolled up in lace, ruffles, tons of make-up, and a pointy cone hat, cried out. “I know I should have been more considerate of you so you wouldn’t feel such envy of my beauty!”

“It’s too late to apologize now, princess!” Before Dark Nella, drawn as glowing bright green with black make-up on her face, could advance, there was a flash of light as the Makeover Fairy poofed into the room.

“Dark Nella, that’s enough! We don’t have to feel envious, not when there’s enough make-up for all the girls in the land to wear! We can all be beautiful together! Isn’t that what truly matters most?”

“Will the power of beauty be able to save Maid Nella?” the announcer asked as the screen flashed again. “Stay tuned to find out! And afterwards, catch the new superhero show, “Todd of the Shadows”, where two ordinary boys named Todd and RC turn into mysterious crime fighters who protect the city with the power of music!”

“Come on, RC, we have a pop singer to save!” An animated Todd, clad in a black mask, grey jumpsuit covered with black musical notes, and a black cape, turned as a cartoon version of the Rap Critic, who was covered in gold chains and a mohawk, appeared on a motorcycle.

“I pity the fool who tries to mess with Ke$ha,” Rap Critic’s animated avatar said in a gruff voice. “Hop on, fool!” Todd quickly climbed into the sidecar and pulled out a keytar, which emitted powerful energy blasts whenever he played it.

“With special guest star, Ke$ha!” the announcer informed them as the screen flashed to caped crusader Todd holding the singer in his arms. 

“My hero,” Ke$ha purred before kissing his cheek. Todd blushed.

“Golly.” 

“And after you’ve had your fill of action for the day, keep watching and get ready to laugh at the wacky antics of ‘Doctor Insano, the Science Guy’!”

“Science can be fun and educational!” the animated Insano told the viewers as he waved from inside his giant laboratory. “But make sure you perform these experiments with your parents or legal guardians around. We wouldn’t want science to be responsible for injuring anyone, would we?”

A cloud of smoke suddenly filled the lab and Insano sweatdropped as trumpets played the ‘wah wah wah’ sound effects. “Oh no, not again!”

The screen quickly flashed again as the announcer returned. “And ending our morning block of Awesome is a new series from Hasbro: ‘My Little Kitten: Friendship is Nostalgia’, where all your favorite characters have been turned into adorable animals!”

“Oh wow, you guys, I can’t wait to explore the attic today!” A white kitten wearing a hat and tie nosed into an old box before knocking it over, spilling many colorful cards onto the floor. “Wow, look! It’s a set of Garbage Pail Kids cards! Hey Phelinous, Cat Litter Snob! Come and see what I found!”

“I don’t know, Nostalgia Kitten,” an orange and white kitten with an unusually deep voice said from behind an old desk. “Those cards look kind of scary, and I hate scary things.”  
A Siamese kitten sniffed at the cards before turning his nose up. “I wouldn’t even use these things to line my litter box, thank you very much.” 

“Aw, come on, kits,” Nostalgia Kitten said, as he scampered over to nuzzle each of them. “When we put our paws together, we can accomplish anything! So what do you say we work hard and cooperate just like the Garbage Pail Gang to make a purr-fect review?”

“Not so fast, my little kittens!” The scene changed to reveal a small, black dog wearing a bowtie and a white dog with black spots that was chasing its own tail. 

“Oh no, it’s Nostalgia Terrier and the Spoony Pup!” Nostalgia Kitten said in a scared voice.

“How will our kittens get out of this fur-ful situation?” the announcer punned. “All these questions and more will be answered starting now!”

The television was muted then as Linkara and Spoony turned to stare at each other in silence for a solid minute.

“What… what the fuck was that?”

“What was Critic thinking signing over all the rights to our shows like this?”

“That was so fucking offensive on so many levels!”

“Are we even getting paid for this crap or did Critic screw us over again?”

“How the hell did Insano get his own show when I didn’t?”

“How could I have been replaced by 90s Kid?! He once took the song “I Believe I Can Fly” literally and jumped out of a tree! He broke my mailbox! And he’s supposed to be Earth’s champion?”

“Riki-tee! Riki!”

The two turned to Son of Insano, who was sitting on the floor in front of the TV with a bowl of cereal and waiting impatiently for them to be finished with their conversation.

“Oh, sorry.” Spoony un-muted the TV as cartoonified Critic and Nerd ended their fight with a giant hug, promising to become best friends forever and never fight again. He sighed. “Fuck this, I’m going back to bed.”

“I can’t believe we got up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday for this,” Linkara muttered as he followed after him, leaving SOI to eat his cereal and watch his cartoons in peace.


End file.
